Two Steps Back

Sorry – this is a whiny post. Cause my stomach hurts. Again. Still? More? I don’t think I even know anymore. And I’m frustrated. And angry. And whiny. So this is a whiny post – you’ve been warned. 😉

My parents came to visit this weekend, but I was mostly in control of the food, at least our dinner’s, so that made me feel comfortable and we had great meals – which I failed to take any pictures of. Sorry. (Can you tell I’m Canadian? I apologize a lot.)

On Saturday, my brother’s girlfriend, my mom and I went walking and shopping and my brother texted to ask if we wanted to join them for lunch. I didn’t want to let my fear of restaurants get in the way. “I’ve got to get over this sometime, right?!” So we confidently went off. At the restaurant I confidently stated, “I’m celiac. Do you have a gluten-free menu or can you make some recommendations?” They had a gluten-free menu! AND gluten-free beer. I was very excited. But even as I read the menu, I had so many questions. Wings? Are they deep fried? And if so, in their own fryer? Or are they not really gluten-free? Steak sandwich? Well, what kind of seasoning, marinade or sauce is on that steak? And what surface is it cooked on? Oh dear… this isn’t as easy as it looks. Proudly stamped “gluten-free” – but not really.

Mom and I split a spinach salad, but even as the plate came out and I saw some type of sauce on the chicken, and some type of seasoning powder on the pecans… I wondered? But I tried to not wonder too hard (I’m sick of hearing “Maybe it’s in your head.” “Maybe it’s stress”) and unfortunately, soon after eating my stomach started to hurt and I started to feel tired. Well, I did have a gluten-free beer. So I chalked it up to the beer and thinking too much and excused myself from my family and went home for a rest.

I still felt off when I got up but shrugged it off and focused on enjoying the night – if it’s just in my head distraction will help, right?! We had a Mexican dinner with fresh corn tortillas, shredded salsa chicken, guacamole, corn chips and to top it off a great bottle of tequila my parents brought back from their recent trip to Mexico. It was a great night.

On Sunday I felt awful – and no, it wasn’t too much tequila. My guts are in knots again. I’m a frequent visitor in the bathroom and I’m exhausted. NOT AGAIN! I was FINALLY feeling better. FINALLY making progress. It’s Monday and I feel almost worse today, which means if it WAS the restaurant meal that made me sick it keeps getting worse… if it wasn’t the restaurant meal…. then what is it?! The only other thing is the gluten-free baking my mom made. Is it the dairy in that? Or was there some accidental cross-contamination? I know she’s been doing a LOT of research and was as safe as possible. I trust her as much as I trust myself.

It’s frustrating not knowing what is causing it. It is scary thinking it might be something else. Guess I need to go back to the doctor, but for some reason, this time I’m scared to go. I just want to be better. I’m so sick of feeling sick. And helpless.

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