Control

I’ve always had a bit of anxiety when it comes to control. I need to know how I’m getting somewhere, how I’m getting home, that I can get home when I want to… or I won’t go.

I’ve always had to prepare ahead when it comes to food. When my blood sugar drops, I get “hangry” and there better be a snack on hand or I might be biting off someone’s head instead.

If I didn’t have control issues before, I certainly will now.

This weekend we had company – great friends we haven’t seen in years. It was great! But I got anxiety. Anxiety about controlling the situation, controlling the food and the eating situation.

Luckily they were staying with us, so that helped. They also requested sushi for dinner – excellent! That’s naturally gluten free as long as I make the right decisions and bring my own soy sauce. But I got nervous. Maybe we should order take out, then if I get nervous I can eat my own food? But what about breakfast the next day? What if they want to go out? I’m not ready to go out. There aren’t many options. What if there are no options? Or I get sick?

Yes. This is how my mind works until I work myself into an anxiety-ridden frenzy.

But everything went great, and I remained in control. We ordered in because we were enjoying ourselves (and a few drinks) and didn’t want to go out. We also stayed in for breakfast and I made bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns (check those packages, I only found 1 of 3 frozen hashbrown options had no wheat). That was after our morning snacks of fresh fresh berries & toastmixed berries and a slice of All But Gluten cinnamon raisin toast – which was surprisingly delicious and bread-like – that we snacked on while watching Canada beat Sweden in the gold model men’s hockey game.  Yes, we got up at 4:30 am on a Sunday to watch hockey – Canadian pride baby!

I hope the anxiety about going out goes down over time, as I learn, as I get more comfortable. I like to go out. I love to travel. I hope the fear of getting sick doesn’t prevent me from getting out and doing and trying new things.

I am very excited to find new ways to control my home cooking situation though. I bought a tortilla press and some masa flour so I’ll be making corn tortillas this afternoon for tacos and breakfast burritos. I also found another great selection of gluten-free products at a local store and stocked up on GF Worcestershire sauce, BBQ sauce, gnocchi, nut-free pesto, dried apricots and a delicious fresh mango. I’m having fun experimenting with new “treats” for myself that I may have passed by before – even if they’re a bit more expensive I think I deserve the treat these days.

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